24 Lessons in 24 Years 💛

 

 

Hi everyone! How is everything going?

I missed writing so much… y’all have no idea how much I missed sitting to my keyboard to create and share thoughts! But I guess it’s been impossible with everything that has taken place in 2022! I owe you an explanation and an update but all I can say is that professional life is so different from the laid back student life. I’m still learning and I hope one day I’ll be able to manage things and make time for things equally …

Anyways! Little info: yours truly turned 24 years old last march! Wow! It still feels unreal especially with the fact that back then so much was going on that I couldn’t really talk about what it felt like or what I wanted to do from that day onwards. Sometimes we get seriously overwhelmed and it can take a long time to get things figured out..

That’s what brings me here today! In today’s blog post, I’ll be sharing 24 lessons I learnt in 24 years of life. It’s a mix of things I experienced directly or learned from watching other people do their life and then formed my own understanding of the matter.

I hope you find today’s post relatable and helpful… and small note; you don’t have to be 24 to relate to this! I feel that young adults go through the same challenges with different degrees of difficulty. So always adjust what you read on the internet to your own pace.

With that being said, here are 24 lessons I learnt in 24 years!

Ps: These lessons are not ordered by degree of importance. I have written them in the order in which they flashed inside my head

Ps 2: ‘Y.A’= Young Adults

 

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1.   The World does not owe you Anything:

We often tend to stress and worry about so many things. It’s more common that we worry about what we can’t see or control… can I say the future? Or maybe fixing the past? We always forget that all we have is now… That little moment that gets stolen so fast since it’s off the scope of attention and interest while it lasts. As young adults, we worry a lot about A LOT and get disappointed whenever things take different turns or end up happening another way. We even get mad as if the world is promised to be easy and run our way. The challenge is; dear readers, to adjust to the situation as it is without having any expectations that something would somehow distort itself to fit the already imagined narrative. It gets easier this way I promise!

2.   People are there for a purpose:

People love to believe in signals, flags and signs. They feel like they are one step ahead if they can interpret a gesture or a move and eventually, anticipate how good or bad it might be. This very sign can be a human being. In the same regard, human beings are expected to stay for a long time in our lives! The “forever” they say. Let me break it to you, you may; by now, have met thousands of people already. Still you’ll remember the ones that meant the most. Or mean the most. This “most” is in my opinion the influence or impact that have over you. And this influence is why there were introduced to your life to begin with. To teach you a lesson. I’ll tell you a story! Earlier in 2022, I met a very random person in a much unplanned setting. I can roughly say that I spoke to them for less than 3 minutes. Still, I came back home sobbing! Just because I thought they were too mentally healthy! They got me thinking about some things that I’ve avoided for years. Since that encounter, I underwent a depressive episode that was –and might still be- is one of the most severe I’ve ever undergone. I finally decided to go see a therapist and get help. Since that day, I became more aware and in a sort, proud? I felt that I took responsibility over my mental health for the first time as an adult. The road is still wrong to go through everything and maybe be able to finally tolerate the past and be happier with the present!

Moral of the story is I haven’t met this person again despite the multiple occasions I’ve had! They either did not show up or I did not show up. But for sure I knew, at a very epiphanic moment, that this person’s job was to send me to therapy! And I felt extremely grateful.

This is one example from many… and I’m sure many of you have had this experience at least once in their lifetime! Try to remember whoever had this sort of influence and be grateful to them!

I definitely do not imply that people in the form of messages carry nothing but positivity! On the contrary! As a 24 years old woman struggling with anxiety, depression and trauma; I can firmly say that whatever I’m mentally going through is because of human beings’ words or actions. So it’s important to know that lessons are often learnt after difficult and sad experiences. Thus, give yourself time and keep in mind that you’re growing through everything!

3.   You are more than your Trauma:

Our generation has been through a lot and it’s not spoken about whatsoever. Internet makes it a lot easier nowadays to recognize some patterns and try to seek help and get better both mentally and physically. In some cases, people identify their trauma and this blocks them! Their sad experience becomes what and who they are! They feel unworthy and unable to move forward in life just because of how blocked and crippled they are. I can personally relate to this but I luckily learned that most of the time, we are not the direct reason behind our trauma. We are indeed victims. We don’t owe the world a second chance but we rather need to earn it. I honestly feel like our blockage is in our minds. Whoever traumatized you isn’t really out there watching you blocked and laughing at you! High chances they don’t care at all. So your growth is what YOU owe YOURSELF. So always remember that whatever happens to you, the cause and the consequence, is in your hands to improve. And you’ll most definitely do it when the right time comes!

4.   Material Possessions will not conceal emotional Void:

It is common on social media that shopping after a sad day will make you feel better! “Sad? Get a new bag!” “Get a haircut!” People say. I often wonder; do people who give this kind of advice mean what they’re saying? Or they’re just pretending that it works when it doesn’t in reality?

Let me give you how the narrative will go, let’s say you’re sad or angry or whatever that you’re feeling. You are unable to label the feeling, the reasons or even figure out a short term solution. You listen to your bimbo friend who advises you to go shopping or eating waffles! The common thing between all of these things is money. This person is implying that spending money will make you feel better. This generation is obsessed with materialism! In a way, you can control your money, so you spend it on dumb things… and this will empower you somehow? No. all you’d feel is self blame because deep down, you know that you’re sad because of that one situation that the bag and waffles will never improve or fix! So instead of running away from your feelings, face them. Write them down! Use your audio notes app! Go on texting apps and talk it out as it happened!

Money will never fix your mental health unless you spend it on therapy… or travel.

5.   Your ‘Dream Job’ is a privilege:

Let’s get things straight. The “what do you want to become in the future?” question is probably the silliest question to ask in the world. When I was young, my late granny had heart problems. And I was 6, I told her: “I’ll grow up, become a doctor and save you!” I had no idea what it takes to become a doctor let alone a cardiologist! When I was 8, my granny passed away. I was sad and devastated. Little me had no more motive to become a doctor so I dropped the idea of my head altogether. Back in high school I switched streams (from scientific to literary) just because I was more interested in foreign languages. In my HS senior year, I had this idea of becoming a teacher. 2 months before the BAC exam (College entrance Exams in Algeria), my father said I was not allowed to study outside my state. I was literally at the verge of losing it all. Imagine 16 years old, full of “dreams” and an adult recklessly shattering them because they’re a protective parent! It was a miracle that the college I wanted to join opened in my state. I will forever believe that God made it happen for me. I studied and graduated and I have a full time job and am gratefully able to afford my basic and extra needs.

The moral of this story is that not all of us have the possibility to drop out of college or school to “follow our dreams”. Some things take a lot more than the passion you have for something! And at the end of the day, destiny is real and your life is meant to be yours for a very long time now. God will always choose what is best for you. Whether you like it or not while it happens; you will eventually understand the wisdom behind God’s plan when it’s the best time. So wherever you are with life now, just do your best and be genuine. Honesty is that stable value that will always reward you whatever!

6.   Gratitude will change your life:

In Islam, there is this verse in Quran in which Allah speaks about gratitude and how grateful people get to enjoy more blessings. People show gratitude in big events often. Facebook posts in which people announce their marriage, graduation, buying a new house, a new car and so on… which is kind of weird! I’ve grown to believe that the things we never thank God for are what make life special and worth living. The way we are woken by an alarm, we hear the alarm blasting in the morning. We turn to one side to switch it off. We feel our legs and hands. We see the light coming from that rectangular screen. Then we say that short Morning Prayer. We are able to speak. We go wash up and get ready for the day. We are mentally sane to process that one organized pattern we ungratefully call a boring routine. It’s the roof and the water and people and peace which we take for granted that make life desirable. I genuinely love everyone who’s reading this to be grateful for whatever they have; good or bad. It’s god’s plan… the best plan… just for you! A limited edition.

7.   You’ll always be criticized for what you look like:

As a person who has a shifting shape pattern ever since I was a kid; I can talk for days about this topic! Yet I don’t want to bore you heheh! So I will try my best to be concise and get to the point straight. People and society will always have something to say about the way you look. Whether you respond to the current standard or not, you will never achieve the expectation they have of you. It might hurt you if your life revolves around “looking” a certain way. But if not, let me tell you that what matters the most is the way you perceive yourself. Your relationship with your body is your thing and yours only. Others will never be you and will never understand whatever that you go through. Back in 2018, I was THE standard. People used to come up to me wondering what I “did” to look the way I did after being “not the best looking!”! That “fat” girl inside of me was often confused! Like how are these people talking to me nicely all of a sudden? They know I’m the same person right? And then it all clicked. People love the image they made in their heads about you! And your job is to live up to that image. If not, then you’re not it! It didn’t take long for me to understand that pattern and withdraw from it. If I’m not welcome in a “shape” then no one deserve to take that other shape for granted!  Put your health as your top priority and the rest is none of your responsibility.

8.   Education is Intimidating:

I can never stress this one enough especially for girls and women. Society has painted women as weak passive beings for so long now. That any shift from this frame will raise questions and paint women in this light of “trying to show off/ act manly and strong”… when in fact, society is intimidated by educated women. Intellectual women are often rational, have strong personalities and never settle for less than what they deserve. This means that they can’t get swayed by words and empty promises and half hearted actions. Educated women have a roadmap in their heads about what should happen and how it should happen; which eliminates the smallest of chances to get them believing anything that doesn’t have a scientific or logical –to say the least- background. The social power dynamic was built millions of years ago, with women being the weakest in the chain. Educating women will shift that power dynamic and create a new standard for life. Eradicate gender roles and promote equality and fair share of opportunities. The world is not ready for such a grand change! As a woman, and to my fellow women: let’s keep pushing the boundary! We’ll get to that one point one day!

9.   Limiting Parents’ Access to your Business isn’t ungrateful:

Unlike other countries and communities, the Muslim family holds its members together until they figure life out on their own. Aka get married and start a family (often with 0 Education or Preparation, just fate!). Some parents cannot make the difference between guarding their children and providing a decent life to them and literally controlling their children’s lives to the point where they can’t decide in anything and grow extremely dependent and selfless. If a son or daughter ever decides to see the world for themselves, they’re immediately called ungrateful. For what? The bare minimum that is the food and the roof?  I’m one of the biggest believers that not all couples can be good parents. We, as human beings, choose to be parents or not! Affording for a baby that you made isn’t something this baby must show gratitude for! They may be grateful for their family … to God! But never to their parents, for food and shelter! You can’t expect to be rewarded double for something you willingly chose to undergo. Aware –or not- about how serious it is!

Setting healthy boundaries with parents is one of the biggest challenges in life. I’m not urging anyone to cut ties with their parents! Absolutely not! But still, as you grow up, you become responsible for yourself and for whatever that happens to you. You can’t be 24yo adult and blame another adult who has probably had you at that age for whatever you’re going through…or even be expected to show gratitude to them for keeping you in their house after they decided to have you! I sometimes feel like some parents either treat their children as property; or as a being that will never grow up!  

You will be able to handle it…just the way old people did! Back when they had nothing! Now we have everything… so?

10.        The “you won’t be 24 forever” is capitalism pooping off:

I have recently been going on a single day road trips! And it has been the best time to be honest! I get to meet new people and do new things and learn about life every time. There is still so much to see. And I will never be able to see the whole planet at the age of 24! This sounds just ridiculous! As I go on Instagram, I see reels of people sky diving, paragliding, riding motorcycles and doing different activities. The caption or audio is often: you won’t be young forever! You still have the world to see! And so on….

What came to my mind is: these people live in the same world with us, right? They must know about Covid, inflated economies, joblessness and life in general? With its responsibilities and highs and lows?! They know about ecological problems …. Ever heard of global warming? Flight prices? I wonder.

I feel like the more I watch such content, I’m gas lighted into thinking that I am wasting my years… just because I didn’t jump off that cliff, or didn’t bathe with elephants in Bali!

What is ironic is that travelling is demanding! It requires a lot of material things to ensure a good trip! 4x4 rides for difficult roads, hiking shoes, cargo pants, a smart watch for extreme cases, good quality tents, hammocks, light headbands, eco friendly utensils, bio degradable food packages in case you don’t gather everything after you leave, medications…. That’s literally what came to my mind right now. And I’m sure there is a lot more. I’m sure we all agree that these things cost money, right? So how can you expect a 24 years old who is most probably a college student, or in the best cases has an average paying job to afford a whole “jungle” themed lifestyle to be told: you’re living your life the right way! They have 2 of 2 options to be able to have this kind of life: 1. they’re born rich or 2. They make enough money to afford trips; which in most cases will require a very good paying full time job or multiple part time jobs. So when is this poor 24yo dreamer going to travel when they’re working nonstop trying to make money to afford trips? It sounds a lot more complicated than it should be… truly speaking.

In my opinion, if you are not doing this as your job, don’t make such extreme investments for fast joy! You’ll climb that mountain and sleep under the stars when it’s YOUR time! It has nothing to do with your age! Adrenaline is impulsive! And dangerous. It can lead people to act like brainless beings then go ahead and call it “my best life” the very next moments. Adrenaline numbs people…. it makes them do things just so that they don’t deceive their expectations of how crazy they are; or the other people around them. In both cases: it’s not who they really are.

You’ll do what you’re meant to do. Whatever God has in store for you, will never pass you by.

11.        Allow yourself to grow / 12. Forgive yourself:

We love change by nature! And we often like to have shifts every now and then. Some call them phases, you like a certain type of music, a kind of food or you develop a new favorite routine… then it changes. What we often forget is that change takes time. It is a whole process that shouldn’t be interrupted.  Sometimes, we work so hard to become this best version of ourselves. And we make it! We are our IT person. The best version they say…

Then we forget that we are human. We forget that it is okay to decline, to go back a little… to change. This change is often not well received or welcome. It is almost like we are scared to change… again. Stuck in that one version we worked hard to make. The best.

I want to remind you of that one saying that goes: it’s easy to get to the top but it’s difficult to stay at the top. We say this often about our favourite artists or football teams when they have a rough patch going. But we forget that it happens to us too. And we do tear ourselves, unlike other people; to whom we send supportive words and encouraging affirmations! That’s how bad we are to ourselves… we don’t give it time. We act in a harsh and angry way and we never give ourselves the time to breathe or ever fully understand what happened or what led to this degradation.

Let me tell you that declining is inevitable. You will be less than that perfect person you made! But good news is:  you will not be the same again. In fact, you will no longer relate to that person.

You will miss them and want to be them again, but you will never be able to. Remember when I said that people are messages? This very best version of yourself is your message! Whatever people call a glow up, comes after one or multiple sad and shocking events. And it is so cool while it lasts. But know that, the best version you made 2 years ago isn’t compatible with the new challenges. It becomes outdated! And old! Therefore, needless.

You are a lot more than that one model you design and imagine that you’ll stick to forever, you renew your inner self just as days and nights switch… you are better than that version… trust me… and life will make you see that with your own eyes. Just be nicer to yourself.

13.        Be mindful of who you take advice from:

It is natural to relate to other people’s experiences and opinions. But have you ever questioned the intentions of those people you listen to? What makes their experience a basis you can build upon? What makes them reliable?

In my life, I have learnt that not everyone “advising” me wants what’s best for me. Some can be driven by envy, jealousy and hatred. Others have this illness of not wanting to see others doing good in their life. They want you to rot deep down and lose it all..Just so they could come back into your life and pretend to worry.

A green flag in an “advisor” can be, in my opinion, someone who would weigh things logically and deal with the matter as a given situation and not adjust it to human beings’ ability and preference…Someone who wouldn’t make you feel like you’re the angel though you’re the one at fault. And someone who would trust your further judgement.. This leads to my next point.

14.        Influence is true:

The 2010s and 2020s are the age of influence. People spend more time on their phones than with actual people. This has been characterized by the appearance and spread of this concept of “influence” and “influencers”.

The idea was simple, a person who promotes free products they receive on social media. In no time, these very simple people were elevated to the rank of celebrities. People follow them online and in real life! They sell out whatever X or Y swears by! They dress like this or that influencer and go to the same restaurants and cafes they enjoy!

The above is a short description of a regular unemployed teen/ young adult. It’s the passiveness we’re looking at here! The way people no longer have their opinions and put immense faith and trust into what complete strangers do or say! This blind and irrational loyalty ends up making people lose their sense of self… the sense of being a person that thinks and has opinions. This doesn’t only apply to getting an external influence to buy this or that item. It’s about life in general. It might start with you enjoying certain things then wanting to become this other person that shares 0.0001% of their life online. Gratitude can help in such a case especially knowing that not all what we see online is true.

15.        People will treat you the way you treat yourself:

The math is quite easy behind this one: you get back what you give. In the sense that, if you value yourself, people will value you. If you give “I’m full of myself and do what’s best for me”, people will perceive you as worthy of their respect. However, if people sense that you look down upon yourself, no one will feel that they owe you respect and validation.

What is funny is that a lot of people vocally admit that they deserve to be loved and respected without loving and respecting their own selves. Therefore, when they see other people get love and respect, they feel sad! Almost mad at that person that earned their position among people! As if those not getting what they want and “deserve” is someone else’s fault.

I read a little while ago a quote that said the world doesn’t owe you anything. You earn whatever you want in life. This isn’t a 100% correct, yet it has some truth. The least thing you can give to yourself is love. A kind of love that is unconditional and genuine. Love energy radiates like crazy! And you can feel it deep inside! So never ever expect people to give you something, for granted when you don’t firmly believe that you deserve it. This will just get you feeling bad about yourself… which is the last thing we preach in this house!

16.        Money mindset will change your life forever:

Money is honey! Isn’t it? Figuratively speaking, it is! Some things can’t happen without money… so having money will make you feel powerful, in a way or another. Earlier, I spoke about how material things will never fill in emotional void. Now, I will tell you how to avoid thinking that money is the key to every problem.

In a capitalist era like ours, big heads market the mindset of growing rich, becoming billionaires and spending without worries. The shoes and the bags, the diamonds and jets at 25 years old, youngest self made business owner, estate manager… these words sounded fancy right? They can get anyone excited to go do whatever it takes to have a taste of what it is like to be an A class human!

What we aren’t taught is that there is no one size fits all mentality with money. Ironically, money is the only thing in the world that comes and goes at very extreme paces. Some say, it comes so slow and goes so fast! We might laugh at that statement. But what’s true is that we are poorly skilled at managing our money and setting goals and priorities. Young adults dream a lot… to the extent of dreaming way bigger and further than what they can attain. It kind of relates closely to the “you won’t be 24 forever”. Y.A can put any amount of money to enjoy small joys in life. This will in 90% of the time be followed by an instant regret and longer days of anxiety. That feeling of frustration and fear of missing out will push people in two ways: 1. Impulsive spending 2. Eager powered by frustration to earn money anyhow. The later one can be a little challenging as a large majority goes for credit and online transactional procedures (often questionable in Islam). More is happiness they will think. Not really the case I believe.

17.        Expecting everything to pay back… is draining:

This one is a little sad and serious. It actually depends on the person’s upbringing. The way and conditions in which we grow greatly influence the way we perceive life as Y.A.

I will give you an example: when you’re young, you expect the world to be in awe watching whatever you do and giving you compliments and encouragement words. In some situations, this never happens. So the child will automatically develop this feeling of wanting to be applauded for everything. One step before becoming an extreme people pleaser. The people pleaser will do it all to meet people’s expectations and even exceed them…for that one word of praise.

This all comes before starting to expect people to do things your way and giving you back equal effort. People pleasing is indeed a flaw and never something to brag about! It will slowly condition you into thinking that everyone is like you… that if they don’t give back the way you expect them to, they’re rude. They take you for granted and don’t deserve you in their lives.

Waiting for things in return is draining… very draining. Again, as that one quote suggests: the world doesn’t owe you anything. If you choose to do some things, do them out of niceness and never with the intention of getting the same energy in return. You aren’t people and people will never be you. Your way; good or bad, isn’t a model for people to follow.

18.        “Me Time” doesn’t have to be fancy:

Media associates “me time” with skincare, hot tea, aesthetic hot chocolate drinks and pumpkin candles in a cozy living room, reading a book or doing your nails. It is almost as if, anything “unaesthetic” isn’t worth being called “me time”. I find this funny because I honestly feel that the name implies something else! Me time is very personal. It isn’t a routine that everyone must follow to get the same results! Your me time can be sleeping for a whole day and living on boiled noodles! It can be that one coke you grab at 5pm amidst doing groceries. It can be a trip somewhere new and exciting. It can be this episode update you waited for a week. Me time can be anything. What makes it special is that it is YOUR time. It makes YOU happy. It eases your pain and soothes your heart. It doesn’t have to look nice, picture worthy. In fact, your me time is often the messiest. Being with yourself and erasing every possible barrier inside your heart.. True and unfiltered. The truth…

Your highs and lows have an aesthetic of their own… they’re YOUR beautiful well organized mess.

19.        There is no coping mechanism that fits everyone:

This one point in particular is the hardest to elaborate. It somehow relates to the one of self forgiveness and love. When sad, a large majority of people would tell you to go pray, journal, have a walk or even cry it out. What these people don’t know is that you can’t sit, devastated, and try those “solutions” one by one to see which one will work best so that you adopt it ‘in case’. It’s funny how your brain will automatically develop its own inner speech and coping mechanism without undergoing the pain of dealing with the multiple solutions people randomly give.

What often leads us to seek ways to cope with our problems with other people is the fact that we don’t process our emotions correctly. We don’t understand what we are feeling at the moment, so we just push it back. We end up with a pile of unresolved inner conflicts. And as per physics, pressure will result in explosion. When we explode, we become so desperate for anything to make us feel better whether on a long or short term… it’s somehow like how painkillers work! It’s when you need the strongest medication to numb the worst of pains.

20.        You can NEVER change ANYONE:

This is probably my own biggest lesson in life. The way I grew up made me treat people like robots. In my head, I believe that every single person knows what to do and how to do it…but I was wrong. I am wrong. People are different. Some of them are smart, hardworking, selfless, helpful, cool and funny. Others are superficial, selfish, hateful, uneducated and silly. Ironically, there is no in between! Our mistake sometimes lays in trying to get these people acting in a certain type of way! Our way! You fall upon a narcissist and try to make them show empathy. Or convince a racially insensitive person that slurs are disrespectful. Sorry little soul… but that is very far from being possible.

Changing or ‘fixing’ people is that one thing that can ruin you forever … and I genuinely mean it! It is just impossible! How can we preach acceptance and tolerance while trying to condition others to behave a certain way? It sounds pretty hypocritical if you ask me!

What I’ve learnt instead, is to be selective. Being an adult, you legally assume responsibility over your actions and choices. People around you are part of that too. Choosing who to talk to and interact with is very important in building a healthy life setting. Instead of changing –or trying to change- people’s behavior, analyze it. Does it suit your visions in terms of values and principles? Will it ever help you grow? What are the positive aspects of keeping this person in my life? And upon your findings, decide whether to keep this person close, limit contact with them or even cut them off for good!

It goes both ways, you don’t have to please to people and the same thing applies to them! That’s what’s fascinating about it! You manage your circle and so do they… and it’s all managed by selection and responsibility.

21.        People will never be YOU… and vice versa:

Empathy is probably one of the hardest things to teach. Sometimes, I feel like empathetic people are born this way! I believe I was born empathetic. Has it been easy? Not at all. Empathy; and as good as it might sound, sucked me up for years. It drained me… over time, I became a sponge that absorbs every bit of energy directed towards me or even not! It takes one person to tell a story and watch me all gloomy and sad because of that. I’m what they call “if you were in my shoes” … I perfectly fit those shoes!

This kind of feelings pushes me to want to help no matter what the situation is. I’d even go beyond what I can do just to help solve a problem or clear up a situation… spoiler alert: I got tired.

I got so tired that my own problems burdened me… that I developed avoidance just because I couldn’t process feelings and emotions anymore. It was at that moment where I started expecting the same energy back. I work hard for people, so they should do so for me… the answer was no. and it broke me so bad.

I was mad and angry at the world. At how ungrateful and undeserving of me… how could they do me this dirty! I was shocked and helpless. I didn’t want to help or do anything because why would I? I will be left alone if I were the one crying for help!

As I turned 24, I understood that empathy is not a duty…That I don’t have to drain myself for anyone or anything. That people don’t have to help if they don’t want to… that people don’t have to mirror my reactions to events and situations just because that’s ‘what it should be’…

People will never feel your pain… and you will never feel theirs.

22.        Happiness isn’t the ‘Finish’ Line:

What is your definition of happiness? Among the 7.8billion human beings on this planet, I feel like no two can seem to agree on the same exact definition. Happiness is therefore personal. You know what your happiness is and what it looks like. Someone’s happiness can be the things they worked so hard to attain; while another one’s maybe their dreams of things they may never be able to achieve. Both ways, it’s what keeps them alive… what keeps them thriving! When I was young, I was brainwashed into thinking that happiness is the finish line… the ‘happily ever after’

Happiness has always been painted as the salvation, the end, the closure. It comes after the endless series of roughness, difficulty and struggle. It fixes everything. In the mind of a teen, reaching ‘happiness’ = the end of all bad. Nothing terrible will happen again! We are safe! Which is absolutely not true. Happiness is not the end… it never was and it never will be. If I ask you: when was the last time you were happy? You might recall a situation and tell it. I would ask you again: have you felt happy again? High chances you’d say yes! Linking happiness with one given thing is such a waste! Happiness is what we meet along the journey. It’s the small things in life. It’s that one sandwich you got at that random street food place! It’s that shirt you wanted so bad that was 1. On sale / and 2. You size was the remaining one. It’s that sip of cold water after waking up from your afternoon nap. It’s the heavenly smelling shower gel. It’s that 2 minutes encounter with a cute dog downtown. This is happiness. We see it, feel it, are thankful for it, and move on with life. Happiness is simple. Don’t spend too much time looking for it because most probably you already have it! It’s just under this giant clutter of ingratitude and complaints.

23.        It’s okay to be single:

I guess I kept this to the end –almost- because I didn’t think of it as very important? I don’t know but you judge for yourself! ‘Relationships’ is a very serious topic among the young adult community. The question you’d dominantly get as a YA is: ‘when are you getting married?’ ‘When are you having kids?’ ‘Time is running so better run with it!’ It’s fun to make memes about this on facebook and put the uninterested girl façade! But in reality, a lot of people give in to these words. Social pressure gets to them and they find themselves stuck in relationships. Happy or not, doesn’t matter! At least I won’t have to smile awkwardly if they ask whether I’ve got a special someone or not.

Again and again, over and over, your growth history matters in such a case. The setting in which you recognize the pattern of founding a family will change the way you think about starting one. For example, I was born to two working individuals who had their own life struggles alongside having children. They were college graduates, full time workers and decently educated. Up until 14~17 years old, which is known as teenage, I started exploring my feelings thus  started reading novels in my first language, Arabic. A weird thing was that I dropped half of them whenever I felt that the stories were not getting anywhere…or they were plainly predictable. Factually, love was a dominant aspect in every single type of content I’ve been exposed to ever since I was a child. Growing up, we were programmed to think that finding a life partner is the hardest thing ever, what comes later is problem free! Disney and Barbie movies always end with weddings… the ‘happily ever after’… the good end.

Books on the other hand promoted a toxic mentality of: they must have a reason for being a bad person. You can change them. Forgive them… because that’s love!

As days went by, and the closer I get to the ‘age of marriage’, the more scared I get. Big part of that is: I disagree with all of that! I can’t seem to wrap my head around this general understanding of love. I can’t act scared or stressed because I may or may not die alone! I don’t seem to find the fact that I’m single bad. I know what I’m looking for in a man and I will not settle for less! The slightest detail matters…literally the slightest. It can take this potential partner to laugh at an insensitive joke for me to cut ties with them! Why? Because that’s one of many things that can show you the true colors of someone. Marriage proposals are like job interviews. You need that appeal factor. Get the dad’s approval; Even if you have to act like a whole different person. You want that girl; do what it takes to get her. It’s like a game that needs to be won. The reward is underwhelming however: building a life together.

What I’ve learnt, at 24, is that marriage will not greatly change my life. I will not even bother and speak about dating because to an extent, dating without marriage in mind is a waste of time and energy. So, unless you’re growing as a better person inside this relationship, you don’t really need it. And it’s totally fine. Setting expectations is indeed very important to any individual among us. It saves you so much time and energy and even prevents you from getting disappointed at some point. Foreseeing a somehow specific future with someone is a lot more worthy than getting stuck with them not knowing what might occur along the way and at what point.

24.        Supporting others’ Growth will never slow yours:

I’ve probably left this one to the very end for a reason. People now speak a lot about what is commonly called ‘glowing up’. And in simple words, glowing up is when your most perfect self comes out to the world. To many, this is a victorious era! The salad days as old people might describe it. However, what most youngsters ignore is that, whether they’re aware or not, glow up puts them in a competitive mindset that is somehow unavoidable and inescapable. Getting to see your best self will make you feel super strong. Infallible. You might think that way of yourself. What follows is that you’ll end up competing with yourself and others trying to reach this ultimately perfect version of yourself. At some point, you’ll find yourself giving in to this desire of glory and getting yourself to pits of irrationality. You might even consider bringing other people down and ruining them just to be seen as the best or number one.

I’ve lived with the burden of being called a role model for a while a couple of years ago. More like four or five years to be exact. Probably when I hit my first ‘glow up’. The more time I spent on my own after that, the more I invested my energy into preserving this version of me and creating a sort of pattern for others to follow. I’ve never had the idea of ‘gate keeping’ my ‘secrets’ to happiness. Or at least what seemed to be happiness. I knew deep down that others are also trying to grow and become better people as well. And I knew that their efforts will never match mine and vice versa. My pace is mine and theirs is theirs. There is room for everyone as long as the focus is on becoming better people and building a better society.

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That was a long ride indeed! I probably haven’t typed that many words since writing my dissertation two years ago which still feels unreal to this day! But that’s to show you that life moves really fast and doesn’t really wait. So take your chances while you can. Never feel pressured to hop on every wave just because you’re young and wild. Everything was sat and planned and God has the best things in store for you. Whether you, dear reader, are 24 years old, younger or older, I want you to take it easy and have faith. You’ll get where you’re meant to be one day. Trust me.

Thank you for reading today’s blog post and making it till the end. I’ll see you in my next uploads! Stay healthy and hydrated until then! Bye bye!

 

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