2019 in a Nutshell
Hi guys! I hope
you’re all doing great reading this!
Ugh sis
last week was crazy!!! I had to do so many things but I ended up doing very few
things. I have been very productive however. But not the way I wanted lol. I’ll
stop acting very dramatic and get straight to today’s talk.
As you can
see from the title, it’s again the yearly wrap up!
Last year
I posted something similar around this time of the year but this time I want to
make it a little different. I want to kind of put everything I’m gonna talk
about under categories and give little details about each category. I have got
inspiration from other creators but I liked to write things down instead of
just talking it out because it will take forever (you know I talk a lot lol).
So today I
will be going through 5 big main aspects of my life as far as the year 2019 is
concerned.
Before
getting started, I want to thank you for being very supportive to my last blog
post. It means a lot to me. Although I was seriously thinking about taking it
down because bad things regarding the journal I spoke about happened. And I
seriously didn’t want to sound like I was lying to people and pushing them to
buy something I myself got a bad version from. I care about my reputation and
about y’alls money as well. I didn’t support the shop out of the blue but
because I had full trust in the owners. What happened may happen to anyone of
us and with any brand out there. But for me, I didn’t want to get any
associations with any similar experience because I influenced others to go and
do the same purchase as mine.
Having
this said, I hope I will have time in the future to talk about my “911 save the
yearly spreads” plan! And thank you again for your unconditional love and
support.
That was a
very long intro though!! Let’s get into today’s talk without any further ado!!!
1/ School:
Ugh Linda,
I seriously don’t know where to start. It was a very experimental year indeed.
I genuinely don’t know how to put it into words now that I come to remember
stuff from January to now. The year as far as I can remember kicked off by
plain classes, then exams, then a meaningless strike, then presentations, then
exams again, then graduation parties, then drama. It was just super messy. I
don’t think I presented something I was entirely happy with this year. I
presented stuff I was happy with apart from school but school wise was absolute
crap. In the last term, I have gone through a lot of shit school wise. I wasn’t
happy with so many things and had to deal with them. So many things at school
are happening against my will. I swear to God that I am counting days to leave
that place and never come back to it ever again. It just holds so much pain and
so much anxiety. But I shall never forget that it made me meet some people I
will be forever thankful to have them in my life. I have made beautiful friendships
and the thought of these people as I am writing this is making me smile
automatically. I want to benefit from this opportunity to tell you I love you
so much and thank you for being in my life. Technically I love/hate school I
guess. It’s so weird how something can be super bad and super good at the same
time. This 2019 has taught me a lot about people, relations and many other
things. Despite how hard it was, I feel very grateful. I deeply feel how *enlightening
*it was.
2/ Health:
2018 has
been a revolutionary year for me. I have never felt good about myself. And
that’s a fact I am not ashamed of sharing. I probably was the most insecure
person on earth. Probably I still am. I don’t know. The journey of self
discovery has been very long. Not necessarily tough but very consuming. Health
has been a thing I haven’t enjoyed until 2 years ago. 2018 started with a very
empty canvas called: my life. I had to re-establish many things and change many
things about myself. It wasn’t easy whatsoever. 2019 was that ear of “staying
at the top is harder than getting to it” (idk if that’s how we say it but you
get what I’m saying). I have grown to understand that if I don’t take care of
the things I work hard to get, they disappear in a blink of an eye. And it’s
true. I have seen many examples of people starting a healthy journey and giving
up in the middle of the road. It had gotten me very frustrated and scared. I
won’t lie to you. I felt like something wrong was going on and I didn’t know
what it is. So many things contributed to this shaky mindset (which I’ll come
to it later) I was going to the gym but it didn’t feel like something was
changing. I kept going and I was starting to feel a change but here we have
stuff coming up and ruining everything. I started skipping sessions because of some
"very unexpected" series of events that I wasn’t happy with but had
to go through. You know that feeling of being literally obliged to do things.
Although I have grown to learn how to reject such stuff in the future but as
for 2019, it’s too late! I was happy with how I ate, how I managed an amazing
Ramadan and how I tried my best to stay healthy but at a certain point I wasn’t
feeling happy anymore. I intend to investigate the reasons very carefully so
that 2020 won’t go to waste by half like 2019 went.
3/ Social Life:
I can
probably tell that 2019 was a year where I have met amazing people!! I got to
meet beautiful ladies and amazing gentlemen that I can’t say anything but I’m
proud of having them in my life. We gather around topics that are very
versatile yet unique. We talk about so many things and help each other out. We
laugh together and cry together and enjoy things together. Music wise, I have
enjoyed so many things!! I clearly remember the first ever ARMY day in my city.
I co-hosted it and I remember how hard it was to do so. The crowds were amazing
and the vibe was so joyful. I remember taking pills for my back and drinking
hot drinks because my vocal cords were so off as I literally sang for three
hours nonstop (Hitman Bang better hire me for upcoming tours cuz I have stamina
lol) but it was just a beautiful memory. The July kpop day was an amazing
opportunity too. I spend it with my favourite people ever. We danced and sand
and even cried together. It was just beyond a normal gathering. It was full of
feelings and I can’t be grateful enough for it. Also on a more professional
level, I had to experience so many things and see stuff from different
perspectives. Being in the middle of something is definitely different then
hearing about it. Trying things out can answer a lot of question marks and can
really make you feel valid. In this year of 2019 as well, I have learned about
other cultures and ethnicities. I got to meet people from a lot of countries
and just talking to them and getting close to them meant a lot. People feel like
living books. Each person has their own story to be discovered. It just feels
so good to be able to learn about many things just through talking to people.
Feels magical sometimes!
4/Mental Health:
That’s
probably the most important thing I wanted to tackle. 2019 has been very
exhausting (mentally speaking). I feel like it could have been an okay year if
I didn’t go through some inner ups and downs. Those moments of self doubt and
uncertainty can really get you feeling like you’re the most useless person on
Earth. I have been through this a lot this year. Along with having to deal with
so many things against my will just because I had to. Sometimes it’s way harder
than what it looks like. Saying no to things might sound theoretically
empowering. But in reality it is just the most annoying thing ever. It’s a real
pain in your neck. You would think so much before saying no to something. To
me, that’s how it works. It’s just not okay sometimes but I feel like at the
age of 22, it’s just the beginning to a bold era of me where I’ll be saying no
confidently. (I love the Korean aging system btw because it makes me feel like
every day of my life matters so I apply it to myself. That makes me a 21 young
lady internationally).
Another
thing I have noticed this year is the fact that I constantly am over thinking
things upon which I hold no control. I just hate it when things go wrong and
strangely feel like it’s my mistake! I would get very mad and even feel
depressed if I see moms hitting their children in the streets. I know it sounds
weird but that’s my truth. I just feel like being in a place where the law is
violated and where manners are almost absent everywhere is just so draining. I
really feel like it’s eating me up and preventing me from creating my won clean
atmosphere. I want to blend with everything seamlessly and be able to cope with
things but it’s just impossible. I tried to get help and find solutions to this
issue. It is indeed a problem that is preventing me from enjoying a lot of
stuff in my life. I sincerely want 2020 to be a year where my atmosphere
wouldn’t bother me and where I would act indifferent towards whatever happens
around me. I wish I could do that.
5/ Overall Growth:
I feel
like this 2019 was quite hard mentally that I just have very smoothly learned
stuff through the bad experiences. Many people might think that it is quite
invalid as a statement, but it is true. I just feel like I am not the same
person from December 2018. It’s just so different that it is scary. I have seen
a lot and thought a lot and spent nights calculating many things and I guess
that’s what makes me the person I am today. I am just super grateful for
everything I have gone through. Every positive or negative impact of 2019’ life
events has perfectly helped me shape my personality. I can very arbitrarily say
that 2019 was the worst year ever. But if I come to analyse everything calmly
and see what I’ve learned, I would be more than grateful and thankful for
everything. I can’t wait for 2020 to be another experimental year. I can’t wait
to know more about life and experience new things and just keep on learning and
learning and learning.
That would
make it for today’s blog post!! If you made it this far: thank you very much.
As always,
I don’t revise such posts because I don’t want them to be super perfect indeed.
What matters to me the most and the reason why I created this blog is to be
able to transmit my very normal and dull ideas to people and be somehow
relatable. Probably some people share the same ideas as me! It’s just that they
don’t feel like writing too much or sharing them at the first place! So here I
am doing it on your behalf!! So if you find any grammatical mistakes or punctuation
mistakes, know that I didn’t spend hours checking it lol. I already am super
fed up with my dissertation and I don’t want my comfort area to bring me
anxiety as well.
So here
you go guys!! That would officially be the last blog post of 2019 and how weird
would it sound to say AGAIN: the last blog post of the decade!!!
I hope
you’re having an amazing time as you’re reading this.
Thank you
so much for reading my productions. I will never thank you enough for this.
This year has been professionally very much of a journey and I wouldn’t have
made it this far if you didn’t take of your time to check my writings out. So
thank you again. I don’t think I will ever thank you enough!
Please
like my Facebook page for updates about this blog content. It is at:
Now until
next year, stay healthy and hydrated!! I’ll see you in the next one!! Bye bye!!
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